December 2020: Resilience
Firstly I’d like to share with you this beautiful, beautiful profound poem called ‘Hello, the Roses’ by Mei-mei Berssenbrugge.
Me: “Increasingly I feel that because I’m not of the ‘getting ahead’ or ‘what’s in it for me’ mindsets; that I simply do what I do with honesty, integrity and heart, I’ve got nothing worthwhile to contribute unless I’m giving it away, or I have to become hard just to get things done.”
Nora Bateson: “I know that feeling very well. It reminds me to be of the ocean, the soil and the forest.”
A lady in hat and scarf passed me as I was lifting my cello out of its case in the ‘theatre space’ I’ve adopted as my own in Claybury Park, Ilford. She told me how much she’d appreciated hearing my live music on her walks through the forest - especially since her favourite concert hall has been shut due to COVID-19. It felt so rewarding to be able to spread joy and to still be creating meaning with my work during these difficult times.
Federation of Entertainment Unions trainer, Muriel McClymont (who I’ve know for as long as I’ve been a self-employed artist), reminded me that I’ve been true to myself and shown a lot of courage throughout my career. I welcomed this reminder very much.
Each time I become overloaded with information I go back to asking myself if I’m fulfilling my main wish as an artist.
I learnt that if I say “I’m lost” out loud and don’t close my eyes to it, I’m always found - even if the odds seem to be against me.
Practising my double bass made me feel whole again.
Nora Bateson and I connected through our poems to warm data and my yoga teacher friend, Stella, commented that my song, ‘Taste the Stars’ really does sound like the stars and wondered if I’d framed any of my artwork…
I was still able to write poems despite being scared I may have COVID-19.
At a low point I was greatly inspired by the highly imaginative artist, Stanislav Szukalski.